1. |
28 Months
04:28
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You are telling me that you can't come and see me
I am staring at the screen trying to think of what to say
The 4 train hurdles past and makes my ears ring
The world is way too loud, the world will not shut up
When I planned this trip I was pretty sure you'd be here
I use my last 10% to read your words again
I am probably going to spend like the whole night there
Moping like a kid, being annoying to my friends
How will I survive? The lights will be too goddamn bright
You're the first light I turn on when I wake in my dim room
You're the last light I shut off before I sleep in my dark room
I try to figure out if you give a shit about me
If you look at all my pictures the way I look at all of yours
Do you agonize over every word you send me
Or do you go about your day not caring if I message back?
Am I just a page in your book? Are you a chapter in mine?
Are you the title of the novel? Is your name on the spine?
You're the first light I turn on when I wake in my dim room
You're the last light I shut off before I sleep in my dark room
I have figured out what I want to say to you
But I will not say it yet, I will wait a couple days
I know that it's cruel, I saw your new post
I know that I'm selfish, I miss you the most
I'll be fine if you don't love me, that's a lie and it hurts
But I will say it over and over, grind my teeth all down to dust
Bite my tongue to mush and smash my bloody gums and fuck them up
Saying it if that's what you want
If you don't love me it's OK
You're the first light I turn on when I wake in my dim room
You're the last light I shut off before I sleep in my dark room
(You're not here I'm fine, but I can't help thinking of you
you're the brightest light, I'm always blinded by you)
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2. |
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3. |
Quiet for a Reason
03:37
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My parents said "you can be what you want"
But what they meant was "you can be what they want you to be"
I don't have your genius ideas, I'm just the one who runs the train
Who keeps you safe at 200 miles, who doesn't crash and blow your brains
Now you notice me? You don't say? You don't say it.
Now you think of me? You don't say? You don't say it.
Now you're thanking me?
You never gave me the chance to change a life
Now there's 2000 of them I can change
I'll wreck and I'll die, I'll make you all give a damn about me
I'll wreck and I'll die, at least you'll know who I am
Now you notice me? You don't say? You don't say it.
Now you think of me? You don't say? You don't say it.
Now you're thanking me? You don't say, you don't say anything.
You don't say, you don't say anything.
Now you'll notice me. You don't say, you don't say it.
Now you'll think of me. You don't say, you don't say it.
Now you're thanking me.
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4. |
Damascus
03:13
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I'm still here after 19 years of being here
And every one of them I felt was somehow wasted on this town
I tried to make up for lost time, took four classes and three jobs
Wrote songs at midnight, talked to my dad and tried to make it to the gym
But I just ended up with 10 extra pounds
I never see my dad, I'm sleep deprived and fucking up my grades
It tricked me into doing way too much
I've said it all before, don't want to be here anymore
When I'm feeling down I blame it on this stupid small town
I'm back from school break and it's like I'm on another planet
Everyone's wasting my time at stoplights and parking lots
So I go out at night when no one's around
I touch the freezing steering wheel and drive with just my thumbs
Speed cameras try to kill me and your brights are trying to kill me
Every time I get in a car I think "is this the one?
Am I going to join the 30K a year?" I'll crash into some dumbass
Who mutilates my face, and die alone, no open casket
They'll write a paper ad about me and forget me in two weeks
I've said it all before, don't want to be here anymore
When I'm feeling down I blame it on this stupid small town
When you point out my faults I hate myself that little bit more
I think of everything, I've got it covered, I don't need your help
Sometimes it's nice to pin it on the things that you can't change
Sometimes it's nice to get some rest
Even though most of our friends are here and we could just go down to Washington
It still sucks we can't control where we come from
Even though all that is true
I've said it all before, don't want to be here anymore
When I'm feeling down I blame it on this stupid small town
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5. |
Real Life
02:53
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Dream of how great life could be, then have real life get in the way
I don't believe in what I must do but do it anyway
I wanted to move to Brooklyn with my friend and become famous by 20, but instead I'm going back to school to get a degree to get a job like everyone else. I'm doing what they tell me to do. I hate it but it's smart. I feel like most of my life recently has just been coming to terms with things I always knew were true but tried so hard to resist. Killing my fucking idealism. Nobody cares when they should. Everything is waiting. Goals take forever, success is random, and money is our absolute god. It doesn't matter if you're a genius. It takes time and money and luck.
You know I spend way too much time thinking like this. Honestly I kind of don't give a shit anymore, I just want to see you. Everything would be fine if I could see you.
Dream of how great life could be, then have real life get in the way
I don't believe in what I must do but do it anyway
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